Day 39 – back to Chile

After my best sleep for 6 weeks I feel refreshed and ready to start the journey home. I need to integrate back into my old life whilst making the changes that have happened to me shape my direction forward. I am excited and a little nervous about doing the right thing.

The Ilyushin aircraft arrived after lunch and the morning was spent packing, eating breakfast and a great deal of waiting.

I am now sat on the plane, a 4 1/2 hour flight ahead. My blog has been hugely beneficial to me as well and allowed me to pour things from my mind into a written format, really quite therapeutic. I don’t know if I have ever admitted this out loud, flying really makes me sad! 4 years ago whilst away in San Francisco on business I spoke to my mum who had asked me to call her at the hospital. She had been admitted for more tests. A few days before, just before I left to go away we spoke and I asked if I should go away, I felt something telling me not to. My mum of course joked that she was fine and she was not ready to leave us all yet.

That call I was asked to make to the hospital was my mum saying she thought I should come back early. I got the next flight available 2 days later. I arrived at the airport in London to be greeted with the news that mum had not been able to hold on. I was devastated! From that moment on It always saddens me to get on a plane. I missed saying goodbye, I also missed saying some of those things that in hindsight we would all like to say to those we have loved and lost.

Skiing across the plateau, I said all of those things to my mum, I know she heard them. I felt closer to my mum and my friend Neil whilst on the plateau, maybe it was the isolation, maybe it was the wilderness, maybe they were with me. There are moments that so many families have to go through such as this. I often wonder if my Brother and Dad were lucky or unlucky to be by her side at the end? The Trauma of seeing someone go. It comforts me that they were there, I will always be eternally grateful. This is an example of a story, one of millions, that sits behind the word Cancer. I wonder if the depth of sorrow from the losses from Cancer every year are truly understood? Are we all emotionally hardened by the word?

Thank you for listening to that, I may regret saying it tomorrow, I am not really the most open book with feelings. However I blame the plane journey!

I know two people whilst I have been away who have touched me with their stories. One old friend from school who lost her sister to Cancer, one new friend from home who’s brave sister is winning her battle. I was also carrying a story of an old girlfriend from when I was at school, whose sister told me about their mum who lost her life to this terrible disease. To many they are just statistics, but to the families, the sisters, daughters, partners, they are the centre of their lives. It is stories like this that have helped me over the last 6 weeks to keep going and propelled me to reach the South Pole.

I will keep raising money for Cancer Research UK, I ask anyone that can to help me get to life changing amounts that will stop this terrible disease that brings so much sadness.

I promise tomorrow will be a happier blog! We do need to know this however, I thank you again for reading.

I have now arrived in Chile!!!!